get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
