please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
