she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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