I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
