You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
