and i looked up. we had an audience...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
