My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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