you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
