My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Randomize
