I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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