the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
