After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
