does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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