I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize