why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we're so committed to being not committed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
