when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
