Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
