On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
