do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
