do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
