I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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