Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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