It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize