Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I won the penis lottery.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
