that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
