the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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