Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
