Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
where am i from again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
