i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
