so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
