Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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