Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
