That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
