I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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