you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
