Don't make out with my wife yet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
