I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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