When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
