when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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