AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
