Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
