her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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