I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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