i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
