every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
