i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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