Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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