God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
