you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
