I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hippo gnu deer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
