those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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