I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well you can't waste a boner
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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