Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
