Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
