My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
