If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
