Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
