If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
