he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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