Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
