3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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