Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
