Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
