Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm passing your future prison.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
